Parents & Family
What Families Should Know About Being a Student
One of the best gifts you can give your student is room to grow and time for college.
Help them focus on their strengths and abilities. Be creative in turning your student’s interests and talents into a career and a fulfilling life.
College is a job.
If your student is taking 15 credit hours, that is 15 hours a week in classes plus at least 30 hours a week of study and preparation. This means your student is tied up with College for at least 45 hours a week. Many students do have to hold part-time jobs to earn money, but remember that College itself can be a full-time job. The pay will come from good career options in the future.
New ideas and experiences mean a new way of looking at the world; expect a change.
Your student will be challenged to think independently and support opinions with facts and reason. Your student will meet people from diverse backgrounds. In class, ideas are challenged. Perhaps you thought that your high schooler challenged you; now your college student might challenge you even more. Welcome the debate!
Your student is the one going to College.
No matter how badly we want our students to do what we feel is right for them, it is ultimately their choice. Your student needs to attend classes, handle registrations, fill out financial aid paperwork, complete and turn in homework, and take tests. You can be helpful in assisting students with studying and reviewing papers, but your student needs to do the work and do the corrections. If your student sleeps in and misses class, it is not your fault.
You cannot control your student’s choices or actions, so learn to trust.
Your student is developing into an adult and redefining themselves. Your student wants to please you but also needs to be respected and trusted to make decisions. Your student needs to learn to live by those decisions and gain confidence to mature and become an independent adult. Sometimes the best lesson comes from suffering consequences.
Ask questions, but not too many.
Your student will want you interested but may not want to account for every moment of the day. Parents have the tremendous challenge of being supportive without being intrusive. Ask non-threatening questions like, “How are you doing?” rather than alienating statements like, “I’m paying your bills and this is my house, so I have a right to know.” Do not be concerned if your student has a blank look when asked, “What did you learn.” Research about the brain has shown that it takes time for newly learned concepts to be able to be expressed verbally. Encouraging such expression, while remaining supportive and positive, will help speed up the process. Ask more specific questions such as “What kind of topics are you talking about in class?”
Your student will experience more pressure than you may realize.
While you may think these are the best years of life, your student may be experiencing changes and pressures that parents have difficulty seeing. They are in a new environment from their K-12 experience and are meeting many new people. The beginning of each semester is busy with adjusting to the new schedule, getting to know the instructors and understanding course requirements. Halfway into each semester, students take major tests and may likely feel overwhelmed by the amount of work. The last few weeks of the semester are the most hectic with all projects, presentations and exams coming due about the same time. Try to be thoughtful of the kind of calendar your student lives by in college and avoid adding extra expectations and chores.
Your student needs you to have confidence.
There will be times when your student may doubt the choice to attend college. It may seem hopelessly difficult, too demanding, never-ending, and too time-consuming. Assure your student that doubt and anxiety are a normal part of adjusting to college. Help your student divide large tasks into smaller, achievable parts. For example, when a large amount of reading needs to be done, suggest reading in smaller amounts of time, such as 30 or 45 minutes at a time, then taking a short break. Sometimes you will have to show enough confidence in your student’s ability to succeed for the both of you.
Your student needs support in simple ways.
The academic year may conflict with holidays and family events. Students might want to, or need to, use those long holiday weekends to complete papers or major projects. Give your student time and space to work on college assignments rather than feeling the extra pressure of home life. You might need to take on a few chores that your student would normally do to allow that extra time for studying. Sometimes support is as simple as offering to help take care of some other errand or task.
